How Is This Bozo Employed?

“How is this bozo employed” has recently become my new favorite game. Here’s how it works: you witness an act of stupidity performed by someone who is employed and then you wave your hands dramatically and exclaim “HOW IS THIS BOZO EMPLOYED?!” Let me emphasize that said idiocy must be carried out by someone who is gainfully employed; in fact, this is a key point because otherwise the game becomes “who is this bozo?” which is not nearly as entertaining.

I like this game because you can play it anywhere.

Example 1: You can play in the car!

Every time that I listen to FM radio in Chicago, I find myself asking “how is this bozo employed?” I don’t know if Chicago DJs are a special breed of moron or it's just a general occupational hazard, but it drives me bananas that not only are these people employed, but they are paid to publicly share their dim-witted thoughts. Recent morning show topics include Sticky Situations Involving a Mystery Toothbrush and Crank Calling Hypnotists – and those are some of the more cerebral examples. Really? Here’s an idea: why don’t you pay me to mouth off instead?

Example 2: You can play in the bar!

I am quick to make judgments when I make the acquaintance of a young professional in a bar. With cocktails facilitating the conversation, it usually isn’t too long before I am wondering “how is this bozo employed?” The discussion will almost always end on the same note: me informing my new banking executive BFF that I would probably be way better at his job than he is. (Note to the single ladies: this is NOT an effective way to pick up men.)

Example 3: You can play while eavesdropping!

Anyone who lives in a city can relate to this example. You’re on the train and the woman sitting next to you is yapping away into her cell phone. Her side of the conversation goes something like this:

“So today was like totally crazy at work. Ryan was flirting with me non-stop but I was all like leave me alone because I have work to do. [Pause] No, that’s Tim. I’d let him flirt with me on the clock… in fact, I’d let him do a lot of things to me on the clock. Definitely not Ryan though. He’s just not my type. Anywaaaaay then I had to take some clients out to lunch and it was sooooo boring. I wanted to go to that new place that just opened but my boss insisted that I take the group to this Japanese restaurant right by the office and I got stuck eating a bunch of mediocre spicy tuna rolls. At least I got to expense it. OMGgottarunthisismystop! Byeeeeeeee!”

Say it with me… “How is this bozo employed?”