I was getting off the train the other day, minding my own sweet business, and then I looked up and – BAM! ALLIGATOR!!
Ok, I didn’t actually cross paths with an alligator. But I did run into an ex co-worker. Usually this sort of event is a pleasant surprise, but no such luck. I greeted him and asked how things were going, and he proceeded to ignore my greeting and ask me inane questions about the stock market. Not at all disturbed by my silence, he launched right into a monologue on the economy. It was sort of uncomfortable because he was intellectually masturbating in front of me… but he appeared unable to finish the job.
To shut him up, I made some random comment about the impending government shutdown. Then I excused myself – “I’m actually heading this way” – and made a quick turn down the street. Was I actually going the opposite direction? Yes. But in my book, a couple of extra blocks to avoid public intellectual masturbation is totally worth it.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The Hacker
I have both good news and bad news.
First, the good news: the seasons are changing. Thank God because the Chicago winter has truly worn out its welcome. (Wait no, it was never welcome to begin with.) At least on the coasts, you can do something productive with the winter weather. Snow equals great skiing! In Chicago, snow means that your commute will take twice as long, and you are inevitably going to ruin a cute pair of shoes.
Now the bad news: apparently overcome by sheer elation, everyone is getting sick. At work, I am surrounded by a symphony of coughing, sneezing, and grunting. Now, the sniffles are one thing, but the horrid hacking is quite another. I am tempted to head over to the other side of the office, and put that pour soul out of his/her misery. Then again, I don’t even want to get close to the source of that noise. Think a high decibel hacking cough, every minute on the minute. Please, just stay at home. On behalf of all the still-healthy people in the office, I am begging you.
I’ve never been one to put much stock in Purell, but I’m not taking any chances with a hacker on the loose in the office. I’m going to stock up on anti-bacterial gel – and Airborne for good measure.
First, the good news: the seasons are changing. Thank God because the Chicago winter has truly worn out its welcome. (Wait no, it was never welcome to begin with.) At least on the coasts, you can do something productive with the winter weather. Snow equals great skiing! In Chicago, snow means that your commute will take twice as long, and you are inevitably going to ruin a cute pair of shoes.
Now the bad news: apparently overcome by sheer elation, everyone is getting sick. At work, I am surrounded by a symphony of coughing, sneezing, and grunting. Now, the sniffles are one thing, but the horrid hacking is quite another. I am tempted to head over to the other side of the office, and put that pour soul out of his/her misery. Then again, I don’t even want to get close to the source of that noise. Think a high decibel hacking cough, every minute on the minute. Please, just stay at home. On behalf of all the still-healthy people in the office, I am begging you.
I’ve never been one to put much stock in Purell, but I’m not taking any chances with a hacker on the loose in the office. I’m going to stock up on anti-bacterial gel – and Airborne for good measure.
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