Enough About You, More About Me

You’d think that I would be a natural at interviewing. I mean, it’s the perfect set-up for an only child: just talk about yourself for 30-60 minutes straight! Cake. Unfortunately, recruiters and I tend to take divergent views on what constitutes an interesting topic of conversation. I like talking about Twilight and Mexican food; recruiters enjoy discussing my academic background and my professional work experience. BORING. If I had my way, interviews would be a lot more entertaining…

Q: Tell me about yourself.
A: I’m an Aquarius and I think that my mom is the coolest. My choices in footwear often render walking a near impossible task. My mastery of the French language both begins and ends with the sentence “Je voudrais un crepe avec nutella s’il vous plait” (I would like a crepe with Nutella please) – incidentally, this is a supremely useful phrase to know. Don Draper is my ideal husband (minus the rampant cheating). I can run train on bacon. I am a magnet for parking tickets. I have a gargoyle fixation that began in college. And oh yeah, I have mad marketing skillz.

Q: Describe your weaknesses. How do you compensate for them?
A: I’m extremely narcissistic but why would I want to compensate for that? A healthy dose of self-confidence never hurt anyone. I’m also overly competitive but I manage my competitive streak by only participating in contests where I am virtually guaranteed victory.

Q: Describe your leadership style.
A: I tend to employ the directive style of leadership. What this means is that I like to tell other people what to do.

Q: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
A: I play the lottery every week, using a proprietary algorithm to select the numbers. In about three years, I’m finally going to hit it big at which time I will take out a full page ad in the Wall Street Journal proclaiming “In Your Face MIT Blackjack Team”. I plan to use my winnings to purchase a farm just outside of Madrid where I will begin building my goat cheese empire. In my spare time, I will draft a proposal for a radio show named “Hit It or Quit It." I will co-host with one of my friends and the show will be broadcast on NPR.

Q: Are you comfortable with ambiguity?
A: Sure.

Q: How do you evaluate success?
A: In U.S. dollars.

Q: What approach do you take in getting people to accept your ideas?
A: Bribery is a pretty effective way to get people to do what you want. And if the ol’ carrot doesn’t work, go with the blackmail stick.

Q: Tell me about a time when you took the initiative on something.
A: I couldn’t figure out how to reposition our brand so I suggested that we call McKinsey. It was expensive but they made a really awesome deck for us.

Q: Tell me about a time when you were working on a team and there was a conflict.
A: Conflict only exists if you acknowledge it so I just ignore the problem. The situation will eventually work itself out and in the meantime I don’t have to deal with all that stress. Win-win!