Cheap Trick

It had been an epic week of recruiting for me.

Monday: ORD-LGA
Tuesday: Interview #1 in New Jersey, EWR-ORD in the afternoon
Wednesday: Full day of conference calls
Thursday: Digital marketing webinar
Friday: Interview #2 in Chicago, ORD-LGA in the evening (missed my first flight, would like to give a shout out to the CTA for taking well over an hour to get me from the north side of the city to O’Hare)
Saturday & Sunday: Threw some alcohol at the problem with the help of my New York crew. Unemployment seems a lot funnier three or four drinks in!
Monday: Interview #3 in Connecticut

There’s obviously a lot of material to work with here, but I’m going to proceed straight to Interview #3.

I had opted to fly out a few days ahead of time so that I could see friends in NYC over the weekend (and also because I had learned that it is a very poor idea to fly out the day of). Since the company was located in Connecticut, my plan was to take the train out of the city in the morning and then take a cab from the train station to the office. I got to Grand Central well before my train was scheduled to depart so I had plenty of time to grab a breakfast sandwich and coffee and enjoy some quality people watching. (Sadly, Serena Van Der Woodsen was not spotted.) At the appointed time, I hopped on the train and about an hour later I was in Connecticut. I got off the train and as scheduled, there was a cab waiting for me. I confirmed the address with the cabbie and 20 minutes later I was being dropped off at the front door of the office.

I’ll skip over the details of the actual interview; it was fairly typical and therefore does not lend itself to an entertaining story. You know what wasn’t standard ops though? My cab ride back to the train station.

The company was located equidistant between two train stations. I had arrived at one station in the morning, but I was going to depart from the other station to return to the city. The company had called a cab ahead of time so after wrapping up my last interview, I walked outside and got into the waiting “cab”. I say “cab” because it was basically a regular car with a taxicab decal on the window and a meter that was likely a losing submission in a fifth grade science fair. The cabbie’s hair was about as long as mine which immediately creeped me out. Men should not have longer hair than me, end of story.

My cabbie was extremely chatty. He asked me where I was from and when I told him Chicago, he lit up like a Christmas tree.

Cabbie: Hey, have you ever been to Rockford? My parents used to live there and that’s where Cheap Trick is from. Do you like Cheap Trick?
Me: Yeah, I know Rockford and I actually saw a Cheap Trick show a couple of years ago.
Cabbie: I’ve been to over 90 shows. How many times have you seen Cheap Trick?
Me: Oh, just that one time.

The cabbie then proceeded to launch into a graphic account of all of the times that he had seen Cheap Trick play. I zoned out for a bit but then I looked out the window and noticed that we were driving through what appeared to be a small subdivision. Was this really the way to the train station? All of a sudden it hit me that I had no clue where we were and that I was all alone in the car with the cabbie. And we appeared to be headed AWAY from civilization. I checked my watch and realized that we had been driving for just over 20 minutes. Where was that stupid train station?

OH MY GOD. They were going to find me in the woods, gagged with an old Cheap Trick concert tee.

I grabbed my phone and frantically tried to pull up my location. Just as my panic was reaching a crescendo, we arrived at the train station. It was the most beautiful place that I had ever seen. I paid the cabbie and all but fell over in my haste to get out of the cab. I’m happy to report that the rest of my commute passed without incident. Aaaaaand scene.

Career Dead End

Perhaps you are wondering why trading did not equip me with marketable job skills? Allow me to clarify…

6:46am – Arrive at work and boot up my computer
6:53am – Open up my trading system and set up volatility skews
7:01am – Check for error trades from the previous day
7:09am – Dial into the headset. (I was on a headset with one of my company’s pit traders. Ostensibly we were on the headset to facilitate trading communication but most of the time, the headset served as a great source of entertainment)
7:12am – My boss walks into the office loudly proclaiming “FRIDAY!!!” and plays the “Call on Me” music video in celebration
7:15am – Turn auto-trader on and start quoting markets
7:16am – Encore performance of “Call on Me”
7:20am – The fixed-income markets officially open for the day
7:25am – Make my first trade of the day
7:32am – Make my second trade of the day
7:33am – Get hung on my futures and swear at top volume
7:37am – Pay up a half tick and get filled on my futures
8:04am – Naked Juice fridge is restocked. (That’s right, my company had an entire fridge devoted to Naked Juice. Oh, and it was free. Suffice it to say the Naked Juice fridge was an immediate hit)
8:05am – Employee run on the Naked Juice fridge
8:42am – Bathroom break #1 (Bathroom breaks are the only breaks that traders get throughout the day; as a result, traders take frequent bathroom breaks)
8:50am – Make my third trade of the day
9:09am – Read the WSJ online while pretending to do work
9:26am – The basis traders discuss the relative physical strength of their clerks. Within minutes, they decide to hold a push-up contest later that afternoon. The traders decide to up the ante by having a clerk do push-ups with another clerk sitting on his shoulders
9:31am – Trading in the push-up contract is fast and furious:
“I’m 36 bid!”
“Sold!”
“At 45!”
“Are you crazy? 40 bid!”
“At 42!”
“Buy ‘em!”
9:57am – Bathroom break #2
10:21am – A broker calls to tell me that a straddle just traded for small size in the pit. He then tells me about the new nicknames he’s come up with for several of the pit traders. My personal favorite? Cookie
10:59am – The catering company sets up lunch in the kitchen
11:00am – Employees descend upon the kitchen, grabbing food and drinks, and immediately return to their desks to eat and continue trading. (And you thought that traders couldn’t multi-task!)
11:31am – Make my fourth trade of the day
11:33am – Work my futures and get an excellent fill
12:02pm – Bathroom break #3
12:28pm – I blare “Sexyback” over the headset, ignoring my co-worker’s protests. He is my (and Justin Timberlake’s) captive audience
12:44pm – Read the New York Times online while pretending to do work
1:14pm – Make my fifth trade of the day
1:26pm – Bathroom break #4
1:59pm – Make my sixth trade of the day
2:00pm – The bell rings and the floor closes for the day
2:03pm – Sign off the headset
2:11pm – Review settlement prices
2:15pm – The pit traders return to the office and trading picks up in the push-up contract
2:27pm – Bathroom break #5
3:01pm – Traders clear out a space for the push-up contest
3:08pm – In preparation for the push-up contest, the clerk takes off his polo shirt
3:09pm – The push-up contract immediately goes bid
3:15pm – Push-up contest commences
3:17pm – The push-up contract settles at 44
3:18pm – Chaos erupts in the office. I witness both the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat; thousands of dollars will change hands
3:29pm – Mock trade with the clerks
4:00pm – Go home

Beggars CAN Be Choosers

So this thing just happened. I have been recruiting for marketing roles for approximately 442 days and counting, and I had a phone interview with a well known market research firm last week. Apparently the call went well because I was invited out for an onsite interview. And I politely turned it down.

Crazy person did what?

Yes, I turned down the opportunity to interview for an actual job. The position was based in Middle of Nowhere, USA and the thought of living there for even just a year was the most depressing thought ever. Apparently I'm flexible in terms of geography as long as the job is within commuting distance of San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Boston, or another major city.

Key takeaway: No matter how frustrating the job search may get, don't interview just for the sake of interviewing.

Young MBA, Bust a Move

This here’s a jam for all the candidates
Tryin to do what those employers tell us
Get shot down cause ya over zealous
Play hard to get but no companies get jealous
Ok smarty, scan job postings
Look for a position that inspires boasting
A job opens up, you wish you could snag it
But Taleo ignores your resume, damn it

Next day’s function high class luncheon
Attendees from companies you’re straight up crunchin
Speaker wraps up, people start exchangin words
But then you freak cause you forgot your cards
A woman walks by, rockin style
That you recognize from her LinkedIn profile
Walk her through your resume, yeah you’re smooth
So come on MBA and just bust a move

You’re on a mission and you’re wishin
Someone could cure your unemployed condition
Lookin for jobs in all the wrong places
No decent offers just fruitless chases
Some frustration first inclination
Is to marry well and just leave the situation
But every dark tunnel has a light of hope
So don’t hang yourself with a financial rope

Meeting’s scheduled, so you’re goin
Could care less about the time you’re blowin
The truth is that you're feelin stressed
Recruiter comes to greet you, you'd better impress
Conversation goes well and you’re stoked
But then you learn the salary’s a joke
You email back without a second to lose
And what comes next hey bust a move

In this economy, outlook’s bleak
Talent pipeline’s gettin pinched so to speak
WSJ reports nonfarm payrolls still not on the rise
If this continues you’ll be servin fries
CPG is hirin, search is tirin
They want someone to market the bacon
Got an MBA but limited experience thus far
Then you got no offer and there you are

Companies today are formulaic, real archaic
Lookin for a candidate makes them straight up prosaic
Make you jump through hoops for a role
But then they tell you to take a stroll
Kanye was right about education after all
Mr. Advanced Degree can’t even get a job at the mall
Resume in hand, you’ve got something to prove
So don’t just stand there bust a move

Your best friend Mary has a contact Larry
Who’s lookin to hire without tarry
He’s hopin you can make it there for some face time if you can
Cause he thinks you just might be the right kind of man
You say neat-o, check your ego
And roll to the interview in pinstripes flyer than any tuxedo
The recruiter walks out just to start the show
But it’s one more opportunity that you blow

So you regroup then you start thinkin
Nothing to lose by callin the recruiter for that new position
She thinks you’re kinda intriguing so she calls back
And now you’re feeling really pimp because the firm is stacked
You set up an onsite, strong fist pumpin
Research the company and your heart starts thumpin
Recruiter says she wants a candidate of a different groove
Now you know what to do, MBA just bust a move

Job Posting of the Week

Source: the career website of a large publicly traded retailer

One of the qualifications listed for an analyst role? "Must be able to operate a computer."

In order to find the job in the first place, potential candidates have to be able to search the corporate website. To the best of my knowledge, that is known as operating a computer. Slow clap for the team responsible for this gem.

Please Publish My Plight!

Flashback to last year: it was mid-February and recruiting had come to a virtual halt. I was checking my email (definitely not in the middle of class*) and I was pleasantly surprised to see a note from a reporter at the Wall Street Journal. She covered the b-school beat and was writing an article about the challenging recruiting environment.

Behold dear readers:
“I was wondering if you could put me in touch with someone who is still looking for a job or if you’re still in that boat. Your thoughts/experiences will be part of a story about career recruiting and how tough it is this year.”

I was ecstatic. Oh yes WSJ, please publish my plight! I could see how this would unfold already: I would eloquently describe my recruiting efforts and the obstacles that I was encountering along the way. Impressed by my wit and obvious intelligence, some recruiter would swoop in with an offer and I would ride off into the sunset with my dream job.

Alas, the hundred other MBAs who likely received this same message beat me to the punch; by the time I connected with the reporter she had already finished her story. And I called her within the hour.

Key takeaway:
There is no such thing as bad publicity but remember that the news waits for no man (or woman).

*It was really towards the very end of class.

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

I will be the first to admit that it was not my best laid plan. I had been invited to interview with a Fortune 500 company at NYC headquarters for a competitive rotational program, and the recruiter suggested flying out the night before. However, I would then miss an entire day of classes (otherwise known as 50% of my 2-day academic week). My decision-making was additionally influenced by the knowledge that the cost of my education broke down to just under $400 per class. (Too bad I hadn’t yet taken Managerial Accounting – my education was a sunk cost by that point.)

I had a “better” idea: fly out the morning of! If I took the first flight of the day, I would have a four hour window between my flight arrival and my interview. That seemed more than sufficient.

I left my house at 3:45AM on the big day and checked in for my flight at zero dark thirty in the morning. I grabbed a copy of the WSJ and a coffee and settled into an airport chair. Shortly before boarding was supposed to begin, airline personnel announced a short delay. The delay soon turned into a flight cancellation. No big deal though: there was another flight scheduled just an hour after my original flight. Unfortunately, the second flight was quickly delayed and at that point, I started to panic. I went up to the airline desk to chat with an employee and as he was pulling up my reservation, the second flight was cancelled. BALLS.

At that point, I had three options:
1) Take the third flight of the day out of that airport and arrive about 15 minutes late to my interview if everything went according to plan. Since that airport was already 0/2 for the day, I didn’t have a lot of confidence in this option.
2) Take a cab to a larger airport an hour away, jump on the hourly shuttle to LGA, and arrive about 20 minutes late if everything ran smoothly.
3) Run to the airport parking lot, get in my car, pray for light traffic, and drive like a mad woman. This was the only option offering me the remotest possibility of arriving in time.

Clearly I was going to go with Option 3.

As I sprinted back to my car, I realized that I should contact the recruiter to update her on the morning’s events. I waited until the clock struck 9 and then I called. She listened in silence as I informed her of my travel plans gone awry. The phone line was quiet and then she flatly stated “I told you to fly out yesterday.” It was really not my day.

I made excellent time with Google Maps as my faithful co-pilot. I was less than 30 minutes outside of NYC when I looked down and realized that I had another problem: I was still wearing my comfortable travel clothes. I pulled over at the next gas station that I saw, changed into my suit in the bathroom, and reloaded my coffee. Mere minutes later, I was back on the road, this time looking the part.

I pulled into a parking garage in Midtown about 10 minutes before the scheduled start of my interview, left my keys in the ignition, and grabbed a ticket from the valet as I ran out. I arrived at the office breathless and fueled by nothing more than two giant cups of coffee and a bunch of nerves. I had missed the entire welcome lunch but I was just in time for my interviews.

The next four hours went by in a Will Ferrell a la Old School haze as I was shuttled around the office to speak with senior managers in various business units. I remained composed and generally articulate throughout the afternoon, but ultimately I did not to receive an offer.

Key takeaway: Out of town interview? Travel there the night before.