I was enjoying an usually beautiful spring day in NYC after wrapping up an interview. I decided to reward myself for a job well done by grabbing a coffee and relaxing on one of the benches outside the building. I sat down and contemplated life’s big questions. For instance, what in the world was I going to wear later that night? I started to mentally sort through the contents of my suitcase and I had narrowed the selection down to two dresses when it happened. A very familiar looking man was walking across the courtyard, and with a quick thrill, I realized who it was: the CEO of the company! I recognized him from the annual report.
Did I go up to him, introduce myself, and get a job offer on the spot? Of course not. I mean, what would I say? Besides, he was walking really quickly – there was no way that I was going to catch him hampered as I was by my heels.
An event of this magnitude demanded to be shared immediately so I grabbed my phone and called my mom. “You’ll never believe what just happened!” I exuded as I relayed the story of my celebrity sighting. As it turned out, she did believe it.
Key takeaway: Expect the unexpected. Wait no, that was the motto of my senior class in high school. Wear shoes that you can hustle in.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Top 6.5 Reasons Why Being Unemployed Sucks
#6 No outlet for my competitive streak
My motivation to excel is still present even if it can’t be applied in a professional environment. I have been venting my aggression in hilariously inappropriate outlets. For instance, I recently caught myself looking around the room in yoga class and thinking “Ha, my crescent lunge is the deepest! Suck on that people!” I need to freaking relax.
#5 Realizing that there is no parachute
I already went back to school so I can’t bide my time in academia waiting for an economic recovery unless I pursue a PhD. But now that I think about it, maybe that isn’t such a bad idea after all. I should just Ponzi scheme my student loans and settle in for the long haul.
#4 No set schedule
I am a creature of habit and since employment isn’t lending structure to my days, I am forced to create my own. I attend classes at the gym Monday through Friday as a way to arrange my days in an orderly manner. Having a gym schedule also forces me to change out of my PJs; left to my own devices, I would simply email and conference call away in a T-shirt and sweatpants all day every day.
#3 Being supported by my parents
Moving back in with your parents at the tender age of 29? Now that’s a blow to the ego. For crying out loud, even in high school I had a part-time job.
#2 Awkward small talk
When you first meet someone in the US, you ask two questions:
1) What is your name?
2) What do you do?
Let me tell you, unemployed folks hate fielding the second one. Do you confess your unemployed status and make a dry comment implying that unemployment is actually quite entertaining? Do you coyly respond with a question of your own – what do YOU think I do? There is no good answer to this ticking time bomb of a question.
#1.5 Visa issues
Recruiting is stressful enough as it is, but it’s even worse when you have the additional pressure of finding a job before your visa runs out. As an American citizen looking for a job in the US, I don’t have to deal with this issue; I have the luxury of time. Not all of my classmates can say the same, and I can only imagine the heightened level of anxiety that immigration issues must induce.
#1 Feeling powerless to change the situation
I did everything right: I went to good schools, enjoyed professional success, and yet now I’ve completely stalled out. An MBA was supposed to help my career, not end it.
My motivation to excel is still present even if it can’t be applied in a professional environment. I have been venting my aggression in hilariously inappropriate outlets. For instance, I recently caught myself looking around the room in yoga class and thinking “Ha, my crescent lunge is the deepest! Suck on that people!” I need to freaking relax.
#5 Realizing that there is no parachute
I already went back to school so I can’t bide my time in academia waiting for an economic recovery unless I pursue a PhD. But now that I think about it, maybe that isn’t such a bad idea after all. I should just Ponzi scheme my student loans and settle in for the long haul.
#4 No set schedule
I am a creature of habit and since employment isn’t lending structure to my days, I am forced to create my own. I attend classes at the gym Monday through Friday as a way to arrange my days in an orderly manner. Having a gym schedule also forces me to change out of my PJs; left to my own devices, I would simply email and conference call away in a T-shirt and sweatpants all day every day.
#3 Being supported by my parents
Moving back in with your parents at the tender age of 29? Now that’s a blow to the ego. For crying out loud, even in high school I had a part-time job.
#2 Awkward small talk
When you first meet someone in the US, you ask two questions:
1) What is your name?
2) What do you do?
Let me tell you, unemployed folks hate fielding the second one. Do you confess your unemployed status and make a dry comment implying that unemployment is actually quite entertaining? Do you coyly respond with a question of your own – what do YOU think I do? There is no good answer to this ticking time bomb of a question.
#1.5 Visa issues
Recruiting is stressful enough as it is, but it’s even worse when you have the additional pressure of finding a job before your visa runs out. As an American citizen looking for a job in the US, I don’t have to deal with this issue; I have the luxury of time. Not all of my classmates can say the same, and I can only imagine the heightened level of anxiety that immigration issues must induce.
#1 Feeling powerless to change the situation
I did everything right: I went to good schools, enjoyed professional success, and yet now I’ve completely stalled out. An MBA was supposed to help my career, not end it.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
NYC Pulls a Fast One on Me (AGAIN)
Here’s a fun little recruiting story from the archives of 2009...
I was on a conference call with an alum who worked at a CPG company in NYC* (nope, not Colgate). We were having a good conversation and he mentioned that he would be happy to set up a meeting if I was ever in the city. Up until that moment, I had no immediate plans to visit NYC but – how funny is this – all of a sudden I found myself saying “Well fancy that! I was actually planning to visit NYC next week.” And just like that, I had set up an informal interview for myself. Well done me.
Flash forward to that next week. I was suited up and ready to discuss my burning passion for marketing. I threw a map of NYC into my purse and headed out the door. I took the subway without incident and got off at a stop near the office. I walked down the street… and then paused in confusion several blocks later. The building I was looking for apparently did not exist. The building immediately in front of me was #20 and the next building over was #24. Where in the world was #22?
I did another lap around the block and confirmed my suspicion that building #22 indeed did not exist. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. Was this part of the interview process? Sure you can interview with us but you have to find us first - only MacGyvers need apply.
Thinking quickly, I called up one of my friends from business school. Bless her sweet little heart, she picked up on the second ring. “Hey, how did your interview go?” she asked brightly. “Um, about that… the address that the recruiter gave me is a figment of his imagination. I do know that the office supposed to be in the [specific building] though. Any idea where that is?” Glory be, she did know! As a matter of fact, she had interned in that building over the summer. Way to call the right person.
Armed with accurate information (the address was #122 – the company had dropped the handle), I made it to my interview on time. It went well but (like every other company) they were on a temporary hiring freeze. Sigh, story of my life.
Key takeaway: Don’t trust the address that a company gives you. Locate it on Google Maps ahead of time.
*For some reason, all of my recruiting stories have been about interviews in the NYC area but I swear, I have actually interviewed elsewhere. Stay tuned for those installments…
I was on a conference call with an alum who worked at a CPG company in NYC* (nope, not Colgate). We were having a good conversation and he mentioned that he would be happy to set up a meeting if I was ever in the city. Up until that moment, I had no immediate plans to visit NYC but – how funny is this – all of a sudden I found myself saying “Well fancy that! I was actually planning to visit NYC next week.” And just like that, I had set up an informal interview for myself. Well done me.
Flash forward to that next week. I was suited up and ready to discuss my burning passion for marketing. I threw a map of NYC into my purse and headed out the door. I took the subway without incident and got off at a stop near the office. I walked down the street… and then paused in confusion several blocks later. The building I was looking for apparently did not exist. The building immediately in front of me was #20 and the next building over was #24. Where in the world was #22?
I did another lap around the block and confirmed my suspicion that building #22 indeed did not exist. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. Was this part of the interview process? Sure you can interview with us but you have to find us first - only MacGyvers need apply.
Thinking quickly, I called up one of my friends from business school. Bless her sweet little heart, she picked up on the second ring. “Hey, how did your interview go?” she asked brightly. “Um, about that… the address that the recruiter gave me is a figment of his imagination. I do know that the office supposed to be in the [specific building] though. Any idea where that is?” Glory be, she did know! As a matter of fact, she had interned in that building over the summer. Way to call the right person.
Armed with accurate information (the address was #122 – the company had dropped the handle), I made it to my interview on time. It went well but (like every other company) they were on a temporary hiring freeze. Sigh, story of my life.
Key takeaway: Don’t trust the address that a company gives you. Locate it on Google Maps ahead of time.
*For some reason, all of my recruiting stories have been about interviews in the NYC area but I swear, I have actually interviewed elsewhere. Stay tuned for those installments…
Monday, March 22, 2010
Ode to a Dry Cleaner
Over the past year, I have spent a small fortune on dry cleaning. See that’s the thing about interviewing: you have to wear a suit. Even as a frequent customer, I remain baffled by the entire dry cleaning process; I understand neither the pricing structure nor garment turnaround times. One week I will drop off a bundle of clothing that consists of a suit and a couple of dresses, and the bill will be $28. A few weeks later, I will leave a similar (but not identical) bundle and my total will be $42. Huh? Despite my frustration, I accepted the black box nature of dry cleaning as a necessary evil. That was before I discovered CD One Price Cleaners.
This company is not only saving me from dry cleaning hell, but upon further inspection, CD One Price Cleaners has a really effective business model. What, you want me to tell you more? Happy to oblige…
Marketing:
Simplicity is the key marketing message. Signage throughout the store informs customers that it costs $2.49 to dry clean a single garment. The pricing structure is uniform; it is not complicated by factors such as type of garment, material, or whether the item is an article of men’s or women’s clothing. CD One Price Cleaners successfully eliminates a major point of consumer pain: confusion surrounding the price of dry cleaning. No more unpleasant surprises when it comes time to pay the bill.
Finance:
CD One Price Cleaners requires payment up front and accepts only cash and checks. You could make the argument that they may be losing business by not accepting credit or debit cards, but it is also true that they are minimizing their exposure as a merchant to consumer fraud. More importantly, by requiring customers to pay at drop-off rather than at pick-up, they are fully realizing the time value of money.
Operations:
CD One Price Cleaners dry cleans and launders all garments on site, thereby decreasing costs and turnaround times. Most dry cleaners are small businesses that outsource the actual cleaning to another vendor; as a result, they must pay the vendor to clean the clothing and wait for the garments to be delivered, cleaned, and returned. CD One Price Cleaners literally takes out the middleman. The obvious implication is that start-up costs will be higher for CD One Price Cleaners since they have to build a plant on site; however, over time they should be able to capture market share from the competition by charging lower prices and providing superior service.
CD One Price Cleaners even gets the small operational details right. On my first visit, I filled out the new customer form and returned it to the clerk who then had to process it. Instead of just letting me stand around, the clerk pointed out the coffee bar and encouraged me to grab a cup of joe. The clerk had already processed my information and sorted my items by the time that I finished pouring myself a cup of coffee and adding an unhealthy amount of cream and Splenda. Way to keep me busy and transform my wait time into a positive experience.
CD One Price Cleaners, I would be long you if only you were public.
This company is not only saving me from dry cleaning hell, but upon further inspection, CD One Price Cleaners has a really effective business model. What, you want me to tell you more? Happy to oblige…
Marketing:
Simplicity is the key marketing message. Signage throughout the store informs customers that it costs $2.49 to dry clean a single garment. The pricing structure is uniform; it is not complicated by factors such as type of garment, material, or whether the item is an article of men’s or women’s clothing. CD One Price Cleaners successfully eliminates a major point of consumer pain: confusion surrounding the price of dry cleaning. No more unpleasant surprises when it comes time to pay the bill.
Finance:
CD One Price Cleaners requires payment up front and accepts only cash and checks. You could make the argument that they may be losing business by not accepting credit or debit cards, but it is also true that they are minimizing their exposure as a merchant to consumer fraud. More importantly, by requiring customers to pay at drop-off rather than at pick-up, they are fully realizing the time value of money.
Operations:
CD One Price Cleaners dry cleans and launders all garments on site, thereby decreasing costs and turnaround times. Most dry cleaners are small businesses that outsource the actual cleaning to another vendor; as a result, they must pay the vendor to clean the clothing and wait for the garments to be delivered, cleaned, and returned. CD One Price Cleaners literally takes out the middleman. The obvious implication is that start-up costs will be higher for CD One Price Cleaners since they have to build a plant on site; however, over time they should be able to capture market share from the competition by charging lower prices and providing superior service.
CD One Price Cleaners even gets the small operational details right. On my first visit, I filled out the new customer form and returned it to the clerk who then had to process it. Instead of just letting me stand around, the clerk pointed out the coffee bar and encouraged me to grab a cup of joe. The clerk had already processed my information and sorted my items by the time that I finished pouring myself a cup of coffee and adding an unhealthy amount of cream and Splenda. Way to keep me busy and transform my wait time into a positive experience.
CD One Price Cleaners, I would be long you if only you were public.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
FML: Phone Interview Edition
I did mad interview prep for a phone interview last week. I read the careers section of the company’s website. I read the relevant portions of the most recent annual report. I caught up on macro-level industry developments. I had a 30 minute call with a classmate at the company. I typed up several pages of notes explicitly detailing why I was interested in working for that company in that particular role. Did I do this because it was fun? No, I did it because mama needs a job.
Things I would rather do include:
1) Read only the war sections of War and Peace
2) Joy ride public transportation
3) Build revenue management models
But I took one for the team, the team of course being me.
Finally 2:00PM rolled around. Showtime muppets! I wait for the hiring manager to call me as scheduled.
2:07PM – Still waiting. Maybe he’s on another call that ran late?
2:15PM – Still silence on my end. See, this is why I prefer to do the calling.
2:22PM – Good Lord, this is worse than waiting for a guy to call. The same truism appears to hold: my watched phone does not ring. Glad to see that my time is appreciated and valued.
2:23PM – Ok, time to take matters into my own hands. I call the recruiter to check in. She apologizes and tracks down the hiring manager to see what happened. She calls me back a few minutes later to let me know that the hiring manager will be calling me in a couple of minutes.
2:25PM – The phone rings at last! I pick up and the hiring manager informs me that he was in a meeting that ran late and oh yeah, he has a call at 2:30PM. So our call is going to be briefer than a pair of Calvin Kleins.
2:27PM – This interview is already an unmitigated disaster. The hiring manager is not digging my background and he is wondering aloud why I don’t already have a job. Dude, you and me both buddy.
2:31PM – I ask what I think is an insightful question regarding the increasingly important role of partnerships within the industry. The hiring manager is not impressed. In fact, I think I actually hear him smack his forehead. His enlightening response? “Yeah we have some partnerships.” Thanks for the clarification.
2:33PM – The hiring manager announces that he has to run and hangs up.
FML. I can’t believe I just did 3 hours worth of interview prep for a 10 minute call.
Key takeaway: Some hiring managers are just douchebags.
Things I would rather do include:
1) Read only the war sections of War and Peace
2) Joy ride public transportation
3) Build revenue management models
But I took one for the team, the team of course being me.
Finally 2:00PM rolled around. Showtime muppets! I wait for the hiring manager to call me as scheduled.
2:07PM – Still waiting. Maybe he’s on another call that ran late?
2:15PM – Still silence on my end. See, this is why I prefer to do the calling.
2:22PM – Good Lord, this is worse than waiting for a guy to call. The same truism appears to hold: my watched phone does not ring. Glad to see that my time is appreciated and valued.
2:23PM – Ok, time to take matters into my own hands. I call the recruiter to check in. She apologizes and tracks down the hiring manager to see what happened. She calls me back a few minutes later to let me know that the hiring manager will be calling me in a couple of minutes.
2:25PM – The phone rings at last! I pick up and the hiring manager informs me that he was in a meeting that ran late and oh yeah, he has a call at 2:30PM. So our call is going to be briefer than a pair of Calvin Kleins.
2:27PM – This interview is already an unmitigated disaster. The hiring manager is not digging my background and he is wondering aloud why I don’t already have a job. Dude, you and me both buddy.
2:31PM – I ask what I think is an insightful question regarding the increasingly important role of partnerships within the industry. The hiring manager is not impressed. In fact, I think I actually hear him smack his forehead. His enlightening response? “Yeah we have some partnerships.” Thanks for the clarification.
2:33PM – The hiring manager announces that he has to run and hangs up.
FML. I can’t believe I just did 3 hours worth of interview prep for a 10 minute call.
Key takeaway: Some hiring managers are just douchebags.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
How Is This Bozo Employed?
“How is this bozo employed” has recently become my new favorite game. Here’s how it works: you witness an act of stupidity performed by someone who is employed and then you wave your hands dramatically and exclaim “HOW IS THIS BOZO EMPLOYED?!” Let me emphasize that said idiocy must be carried out by someone who is gainfully employed; in fact, this is a key point because otherwise the game becomes “who is this bozo?” which is not nearly as entertaining.
I like this game because you can play it anywhere.
Example 1: You can play in the car!
Every time that I listen to FM radio in Chicago, I find myself asking “how is this bozo employed?” I don’t know if Chicago DJs are a special breed of moron or it's just a general occupational hazard, but it drives me bananas that not only are these people employed, but they are paid to publicly share their dim-witted thoughts. Recent morning show topics include Sticky Situations Involving a Mystery Toothbrush and Crank Calling Hypnotists – and those are some of the more cerebral examples. Really? Here’s an idea: why don’t you pay me to mouth off instead?
Example 2: You can play in the bar!
I am quick to make judgments when I make the acquaintance of a young professional in a bar. With cocktails facilitating the conversation, it usually isn’t too long before I am wondering “how is this bozo employed?” The discussion will almost always end on the same note: me informing my new banking executive BFF that I would probably be way better at his job than he is. (Note to the single ladies: this is NOT an effective way to pick up men.)
Example 3: You can play while eavesdropping!
Anyone who lives in a city can relate to this example. You’re on the train and the woman sitting next to you is yapping away into her cell phone. Her side of the conversation goes something like this:
“So today was like totally crazy at work. Ryan was flirting with me non-stop but I was all like leave me alone because I have work to do. [Pause] No, that’s Tim. I’d let him flirt with me on the clock… in fact, I’d let him do a lot of things to me on the clock. Definitely not Ryan though. He’s just not my type. Anywaaaaay then I had to take some clients out to lunch and it was sooooo boring. I wanted to go to that new place that just opened but my boss insisted that I take the group to this Japanese restaurant right by the office and I got stuck eating a bunch of mediocre spicy tuna rolls. At least I got to expense it. OMGgottarunthisismystop! Byeeeeeeee!”
Say it with me… “How is this bozo employed?”
I like this game because you can play it anywhere.
Example 1: You can play in the car!
Every time that I listen to FM radio in Chicago, I find myself asking “how is this bozo employed?” I don’t know if Chicago DJs are a special breed of moron or it's just a general occupational hazard, but it drives me bananas that not only are these people employed, but they are paid to publicly share their dim-witted thoughts. Recent morning show topics include Sticky Situations Involving a Mystery Toothbrush and Crank Calling Hypnotists – and those are some of the more cerebral examples. Really? Here’s an idea: why don’t you pay me to mouth off instead?
Example 2: You can play in the bar!
I am quick to make judgments when I make the acquaintance of a young professional in a bar. With cocktails facilitating the conversation, it usually isn’t too long before I am wondering “how is this bozo employed?” The discussion will almost always end on the same note: me informing my new banking executive BFF that I would probably be way better at his job than he is. (Note to the single ladies: this is NOT an effective way to pick up men.)
Example 3: You can play while eavesdropping!
Anyone who lives in a city can relate to this example. You’re on the train and the woman sitting next to you is yapping away into her cell phone. Her side of the conversation goes something like this:
“So today was like totally crazy at work. Ryan was flirting with me non-stop but I was all like leave me alone because I have work to do. [Pause] No, that’s Tim. I’d let him flirt with me on the clock… in fact, I’d let him do a lot of things to me on the clock. Definitely not Ryan though. He’s just not my type. Anywaaaaay then I had to take some clients out to lunch and it was sooooo boring. I wanted to go to that new place that just opened but my boss insisted that I take the group to this Japanese restaurant right by the office and I got stuck eating a bunch of mediocre spicy tuna rolls. At least I got to expense it. OMGgottarunthisismystop! Byeeeeeeee!”
Say it with me… “How is this bozo employed?”
Monday, March 15, 2010
Enough About You, More About Me
You’d think that I would be a natural at interviewing. I mean, it’s the perfect set-up for an only child: just talk about yourself for 30-60 minutes straight! Cake. Unfortunately, recruiters and I tend to take divergent views on what constitutes an interesting topic of conversation. I like talking about Twilight and Mexican food; recruiters enjoy discussing my academic background and my professional work experience. BORING. If I had my way, interviews would be a lot more entertaining…
Q: Tell me about yourself.
A: I’m an Aquarius and I think that my mom is the coolest. My choices in footwear often render walking a near impossible task. My mastery of the French language both begins and ends with the sentence “Je voudrais un crepe avec nutella s’il vous plait” (I would like a crepe with Nutella please) – incidentally, this is a supremely useful phrase to know. Don Draper is my ideal husband (minus the rampant cheating). I can run train on bacon. I am a magnet for parking tickets. I have a gargoyle fixation that began in college. And oh yeah, I have mad marketing skillz.
Q: Describe your weaknesses. How do you compensate for them?
A: I’m extremely narcissistic but why would I want to compensate for that? A healthy dose of self-confidence never hurt anyone. I’m also overly competitive but I manage my competitive streak by only participating in contests where I am virtually guaranteed victory.
Q: Describe your leadership style.
A: I tend to employ the directive style of leadership. What this means is that I like to tell other people what to do.
Q: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
A: I play the lottery every week, using a proprietary algorithm to select the numbers. In about three years, I’m finally going to hit it big at which time I will take out a full page ad in the Wall Street Journal proclaiming “In Your Face MIT Blackjack Team”. I plan to use my winnings to purchase a farm just outside of Madrid where I will begin building my goat cheese empire. In my spare time, I will draft a proposal for a radio show named “Hit It or Quit It." I will co-host with one of my friends and the show will be broadcast on NPR.
Q: Are you comfortable with ambiguity?
A: Sure.
Q: How do you evaluate success?
A: In U.S. dollars.
Q: What approach do you take in getting people to accept your ideas?
A: Bribery is a pretty effective way to get people to do what you want. And if the ol’ carrot doesn’t work, go with the blackmail stick.
Q: Tell me about a time when you took the initiative on something.
A: I couldn’t figure out how to reposition our brand so I suggested that we call McKinsey. It was expensive but they made a really awesome deck for us.
Q: Tell me about a time when you were working on a team and there was a conflict.
A: Conflict only exists if you acknowledge it so I just ignore the problem. The situation will eventually work itself out and in the meantime I don’t have to deal with all that stress. Win-win!
Q: Tell me about yourself.
A: I’m an Aquarius and I think that my mom is the coolest. My choices in footwear often render walking a near impossible task. My mastery of the French language both begins and ends with the sentence “Je voudrais un crepe avec nutella s’il vous plait” (I would like a crepe with Nutella please) – incidentally, this is a supremely useful phrase to know. Don Draper is my ideal husband (minus the rampant cheating). I can run train on bacon. I am a magnet for parking tickets. I have a gargoyle fixation that began in college. And oh yeah, I have mad marketing skillz.
Q: Describe your weaknesses. How do you compensate for them?
A: I’m extremely narcissistic but why would I want to compensate for that? A healthy dose of self-confidence never hurt anyone. I’m also overly competitive but I manage my competitive streak by only participating in contests where I am virtually guaranteed victory.
Q: Describe your leadership style.
A: I tend to employ the directive style of leadership. What this means is that I like to tell other people what to do.
Q: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
A: I play the lottery every week, using a proprietary algorithm to select the numbers. In about three years, I’m finally going to hit it big at which time I will take out a full page ad in the Wall Street Journal proclaiming “In Your Face MIT Blackjack Team”. I plan to use my winnings to purchase a farm just outside of Madrid where I will begin building my goat cheese empire. In my spare time, I will draft a proposal for a radio show named “Hit It or Quit It." I will co-host with one of my friends and the show will be broadcast on NPR.
Q: Are you comfortable with ambiguity?
A: Sure.
Q: How do you evaluate success?
A: In U.S. dollars.
Q: What approach do you take in getting people to accept your ideas?
A: Bribery is a pretty effective way to get people to do what you want. And if the ol’ carrot doesn’t work, go with the blackmail stick.
Q: Tell me about a time when you took the initiative on something.
A: I couldn’t figure out how to reposition our brand so I suggested that we call McKinsey. It was expensive but they made a really awesome deck for us.
Q: Tell me about a time when you were working on a team and there was a conflict.
A: Conflict only exists if you acknowledge it so I just ignore the problem. The situation will eventually work itself out and in the meantime I don’t have to deal with all that stress. Win-win!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
Tuesday
11:20AM – I receive a really interesting phone call from a recruiter in NYC.
“Hi, this is Lauren from Your Dream Company. Are you available to come in for an interview later this week, say Thursday? Sorry for the last minute notice but the hiring manager is heading to Asia on Friday and won’t be back until the end of the month.”
I’m not entirely sure why the recruiter assumed that I was a local candidate (as I have a Chicago address listed on my resume) but I certainly did not want to disabuse her of that notion.
“Unfortunately I’m actually in Chicago this week.” Like every other week. “Could we set up a phone interview instead?”
“Sure, let’s see” she responded. [Computer clicks] “How about tomorrow at 3PM?”
“That sounds great.” And I was in!
Wednesday
11:30AM – Operation Interview Prep commences. I interviewed with this company about a year ago so I already know a good deal about their business and culture. I take a quick cruise around the corporate website and begin to fantasize about my future employee discount.
2:51PM – I pick up my phone to send a quick text. Something is wrong though: my phone is off and the screen is blank. Blackberry, DO NOT do this to me now. Sighing, I flip my phone over, remove the SIM card, and replace it. The screen remains blank. Fine, I’ll just take out the battery then. I replace it and hold my breath. Great success: my phone begins to reboot.
2:58PM – My phone is STILL rebooting. T-T-Today junior!
3:01PM – My phone is finally back up and running.
3:02PM – The hiring manager calls. Thank goodness phone interviews always start a couple of minutes late.
3:26PM – We are wrapping up the phone call and the hiring manager says that she would like me to come in for an onsite interview. “So when are you going to be back in NYC?”
Crap! Make up something good. “Well, I’ll be in Chicago for the next few weeks while I finish up a project but I could be in New York by the end of the month.”
“Great, why don’t we plan on the 30th? In the next few days I’ll forward you an itinerary.”
3:28PM – The call ends. I go for a victory lap around the block.
11:20AM – I receive a really interesting phone call from a recruiter in NYC.
“Hi, this is Lauren from Your Dream Company. Are you available to come in for an interview later this week, say Thursday? Sorry for the last minute notice but the hiring manager is heading to Asia on Friday and won’t be back until the end of the month.”
I’m not entirely sure why the recruiter assumed that I was a local candidate (as I have a Chicago address listed on my resume) but I certainly did not want to disabuse her of that notion.
“Unfortunately I’m actually in Chicago this week.” Like every other week. “Could we set up a phone interview instead?”
“Sure, let’s see” she responded. [Computer clicks] “How about tomorrow at 3PM?”
“That sounds great.” And I was in!
Wednesday
11:30AM – Operation Interview Prep commences. I interviewed with this company about a year ago so I already know a good deal about their business and culture. I take a quick cruise around the corporate website and begin to fantasize about my future employee discount.
2:51PM – I pick up my phone to send a quick text. Something is wrong though: my phone is off and the screen is blank. Blackberry, DO NOT do this to me now. Sighing, I flip my phone over, remove the SIM card, and replace it. The screen remains blank. Fine, I’ll just take out the battery then. I replace it and hold my breath. Great success: my phone begins to reboot.
2:58PM – My phone is STILL rebooting. T-T-Today junior!
3:01PM – My phone is finally back up and running.
3:02PM – The hiring manager calls. Thank goodness phone interviews always start a couple of minutes late.
3:26PM – We are wrapping up the phone call and the hiring manager says that she would like me to come in for an onsite interview. “So when are you going to be back in NYC?”
Crap! Make up something good. “Well, I’ll be in Chicago for the next few weeks while I finish up a project but I could be in New York by the end of the month.”
“Great, why don’t we plan on the 30th? In the next few days I’ll forward you an itinerary.”
3:28PM – The call ends. I go for a victory lap around the block.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Comments From the Peanut Gallery
Up to this point, I’ve done a lot of hemming and hawing about the recruiting environment, but I haven’t actually shared my opinion on any marketing topics. Well that ends now. Today’s topic? Caribou Coffee.
Caribou is a gourmet coffeehouse operator primarily concentrated in the Midwest with over 500 retail outlets. It trades on the NASDAQ under the symbol CBOU and has a current market cap of $135 million. And to my point, Caribou’s marketing is a hot mess.
There are two main problems with Caribou’s tag line “Life is short. Stay awake for it.” First, it seems to be entirely detached from the mountain lodge feel of its retail outlets. What exactly is the connection between staying awake and relaxing in a mountain lodge? Second, and more importantly, Caribou is effectively positioning itself in the “coffee as fuel” category. Unfortunately for them, Dunkin’ got there first – “American Runs on Dunkin” anyone? And Dunkin’ has been taking names and generally kicking ass as the “coffee as fuel” brand. Going head to head with Dunkin’ in this capacity is a losing proposition and yet that is exactly what Caribou is currently doing.
What exactly does the Caribou brand stand for? To most consumers, Caribou is simply the coffee place that is not Starbucks. And that sort of brand association is not going to help Caribou gain any market share. I think that Caribou’s real points of differentiation are free wi-fi and community. By community, I am referring to the fact that most Caribou locations have a room that can used for anything from book club gatherings to meetings of the local Boy Scout chapter – bet you didn’t know that. And that’s the problem.
Why doesn’t Caribou position itself as the coffee place where communities can come together? The mountain lodge design of its retail stores would support this type of community positioning as mountain lodges are inviting and comfortable places where people typically gather and relax. This positioning is not the same as that of Starbucks; Starbucks’ “Third Place” speaks to the individual (who spends time at home, work, and Starbucks) and not the community. In addition, free wi-fi is a natural tie-in to the community positioning that I am proposing because modern communities need to be digitally connected.
Caribou has an advantage over brands that do not have any retail outlets because it can tell its brand story exactly how it wants it told. However, this advantage is negated if Caribou’s story does not resonate with consumers. In that case, Caribou simply has significantly higher overhead expenses compared with those of its competitors in the grocery aisle. Caribou would realize a substantial ROI by clarifying its positioning to establish a more robust brand. Caribou’s coffeehouses represent 90% of net sales; once the retail outlets have been effectively leveraged, Caribou will enjoy a halo effect on the commercial and franchise business segments, which currently comprise approximately 10% of net sales.
But hey, what do I know?
Caribou is a gourmet coffeehouse operator primarily concentrated in the Midwest with over 500 retail outlets. It trades on the NASDAQ under the symbol CBOU and has a current market cap of $135 million. And to my point, Caribou’s marketing is a hot mess.
There are two main problems with Caribou’s tag line “Life is short. Stay awake for it.” First, it seems to be entirely detached from the mountain lodge feel of its retail outlets. What exactly is the connection between staying awake and relaxing in a mountain lodge? Second, and more importantly, Caribou is effectively positioning itself in the “coffee as fuel” category. Unfortunately for them, Dunkin’ got there first – “American Runs on Dunkin” anyone? And Dunkin’ has been taking names and generally kicking ass as the “coffee as fuel” brand. Going head to head with Dunkin’ in this capacity is a losing proposition and yet that is exactly what Caribou is currently doing.
What exactly does the Caribou brand stand for? To most consumers, Caribou is simply the coffee place that is not Starbucks. And that sort of brand association is not going to help Caribou gain any market share. I think that Caribou’s real points of differentiation are free wi-fi and community. By community, I am referring to the fact that most Caribou locations have a room that can used for anything from book club gatherings to meetings of the local Boy Scout chapter – bet you didn’t know that. And that’s the problem.
Why doesn’t Caribou position itself as the coffee place where communities can come together? The mountain lodge design of its retail stores would support this type of community positioning as mountain lodges are inviting and comfortable places where people typically gather and relax. This positioning is not the same as that of Starbucks; Starbucks’ “Third Place” speaks to the individual (who spends time at home, work, and Starbucks) and not the community. In addition, free wi-fi is a natural tie-in to the community positioning that I am proposing because modern communities need to be digitally connected.
Caribou has an advantage over brands that do not have any retail outlets because it can tell its brand story exactly how it wants it told. However, this advantage is negated if Caribou’s story does not resonate with consumers. In that case, Caribou simply has significantly higher overhead expenses compared with those of its competitors in the grocery aisle. Caribou would realize a substantial ROI by clarifying its positioning to establish a more robust brand. Caribou’s coffeehouses represent 90% of net sales; once the retail outlets have been effectively leveraged, Caribou will enjoy a halo effect on the commercial and franchise business segments, which currently comprise approximately 10% of net sales.
But hey, what do I know?
Monday, March 8, 2010
It really grinds my gears...
B-school and I are officially fighting. And I'm not talking a "you forgot to take out the trash" type of spat. No, I'm talking a "filing for divorce in the morning" brawl. What in particular is grinding my gears, you ask?
1) Despite the fact that I have not actually had any sort of income since mid-2007, my dear alma mater frequently emails me to solicit donations. Excuse me, but I just spent two years and a considerable amount of money learning about investments and - correct me if I'm wrong - I'm fairly certain that it's not good business sense to take on credit card debt in order to pay additional money to an institution that already has you by the balls for an enormous amount of student loan debt. And don't give me the "it will increase the value of your education" crap. Yes, alumni donation participation statistics are one of the metrics used to determine school rankings, which will indirectly affect the value of my MBA in the future. However, I'm willing to live dangerously and bet on the generosity of older, more financially stable alums. Let's just call this year a mulligan and I promise to start donating when I actually have a paycheck. Deal?
2) A friend of mine was recently denied admission. Is this an entirely personal complaint? Yes. Am I still pissed? You know it. Seriously, my buddy wasn't just Random Applicant. He is the graduate of a stellar undergrad program, has a fantastic job and solid GMATs, and is an exceptional writer (seriously, I ALWAYS have snarky editorial comments but I could do little to improve upon his application essays because they were perfection). What I'm trying to say is that my friend is no slouch. And other b-schools agreed because they let him in. Why couldn't my alma mater follow suit and give me a solid excuse to visit campus for two more years? Now I'm just going to be that Creepy Alum. Thanks a lot, b-school.
3) Shame on the staff of my school's career development office. I wag my finger at them for putting up postings for roles titled Rainmaker and Au Pair. And don't even get me started on all the spam postings from Ivy Exec and MBA Forum. Breaking news: I have a computer and can find those postings on my own. Why don't you go ahead and source some jobs that aren't open to the general public? Thanks.
B-school, you can have your stupid ring back. I never really loved you anyway.
1) Despite the fact that I have not actually had any sort of income since mid-2007, my dear alma mater frequently emails me to solicit donations. Excuse me, but I just spent two years and a considerable amount of money learning about investments and - correct me if I'm wrong - I'm fairly certain that it's not good business sense to take on credit card debt in order to pay additional money to an institution that already has you by the balls for an enormous amount of student loan debt. And don't give me the "it will increase the value of your education" crap. Yes, alumni donation participation statistics are one of the metrics used to determine school rankings, which will indirectly affect the value of my MBA in the future. However, I'm willing to live dangerously and bet on the generosity of older, more financially stable alums. Let's just call this year a mulligan and I promise to start donating when I actually have a paycheck. Deal?
2) A friend of mine was recently denied admission. Is this an entirely personal complaint? Yes. Am I still pissed? You know it. Seriously, my buddy wasn't just Random Applicant. He is the graduate of a stellar undergrad program, has a fantastic job and solid GMATs, and is an exceptional writer (seriously, I ALWAYS have snarky editorial comments but I could do little to improve upon his application essays because they were perfection). What I'm trying to say is that my friend is no slouch. And other b-schools agreed because they let him in. Why couldn't my alma mater follow suit and give me a solid excuse to visit campus for two more years? Now I'm just going to be that Creepy Alum. Thanks a lot, b-school.
3) Shame on the staff of my school's career development office. I wag my finger at them for putting up postings for roles titled Rainmaker and Au Pair. And don't even get me started on all the spam postings from Ivy Exec and MBA Forum. Breaking news: I have a computer and can find those postings on my own. Why don't you go ahead and source some jobs that aren't open to the general public? Thanks.
B-school, you can have your stupid ring back. I never really loved you anyway.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Admirals Club!
I was recently at a housewarming party and one of the characters in attendance was a newly-minted consultant (I'm talking started-work-that-week new). The novelty of consulting was still very much intact for him. Bursting with excitement, my friend regaled the entire party with tales of his consulting exploits. My favorite excerpt from the evening:
“Yeah, my flight on Thursday was delayed so I just hung out in the Admiral’s Club for a couple of hours. Honestly, I don’t know how I ever traveled without it." [He says this with a straight face and then pauses, suddenly looking aghast as he recalls his years of Admiral-free flight.] Recovering quickly, he then yells out "ADMIRALS CLUB!!!"
For the record, my solidly unemployed self had racked up twice as many air miles as he had over the course of that week. Count it: ORD-LGA, EWR-ORD, ORD-LGA, LGA-ORD. Admirals Club indeed.
“Yeah, my flight on Thursday was delayed so I just hung out in the Admiral’s Club for a couple of hours. Honestly, I don’t know how I ever traveled without it." [He says this with a straight face and then pauses, suddenly looking aghast as he recalls his years of Admiral-free flight.] Recovering quickly, he then yells out "ADMIRALS CLUB!!!"
For the record, my solidly unemployed self had racked up twice as many air miles as he had over the course of that week. Count it: ORD-LGA, EWR-ORD, ORD-LGA, LGA-ORD. Admirals Club indeed.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Recruiting Haiku
Education
What a fucking waste of time
I am still stupid
Full disclosure: I did not write this. The origins of this particular haiku have been traced back to the (now defunct) Shoreland Dormitory of the University of Chicago in the early 2000s but the actual author has not been identified. However, it is clearly too amazing not to be shared. Plus since I've had this posted on my fridge for the past seven or eight years, I feel a legitimate sense of ownership.
What a fucking waste of time
I am still stupid
Full disclosure: I did not write this. The origins of this particular haiku have been traced back to the (now defunct) Shoreland Dormitory of the University of Chicago in the early 2000s but the actual author has not been identified. However, it is clearly too amazing not to be shared. Plus since I've had this posted on my fridge for the past seven or eight years, I feel a legitimate sense of ownership.
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