Career Dead End

Perhaps you are wondering why trading did not equip me with marketable job skills? Allow me to clarify…

6:46am – Arrive at work and boot up my computer
6:53am – Open up my trading system and set up volatility skews
7:01am – Check for error trades from the previous day
7:09am – Dial into the headset. (I was on a headset with one of my company’s pit traders. Ostensibly we were on the headset to facilitate trading communication but most of the time, the headset served as a great source of entertainment)
7:12am – My boss walks into the office loudly proclaiming “FRIDAY!!!” and plays the “Call on Me” music video in celebration
7:15am – Turn auto-trader on and start quoting markets
7:16am – Encore performance of “Call on Me”
7:20am – The fixed-income markets officially open for the day
7:25am – Make my first trade of the day
7:32am – Make my second trade of the day
7:33am – Get hung on my futures and swear at top volume
7:37am – Pay up a half tick and get filled on my futures
8:04am – Naked Juice fridge is restocked. (That’s right, my company had an entire fridge devoted to Naked Juice. Oh, and it was free. Suffice it to say the Naked Juice fridge was an immediate hit)
8:05am – Employee run on the Naked Juice fridge
8:42am – Bathroom break #1 (Bathroom breaks are the only breaks that traders get throughout the day; as a result, traders take frequent bathroom breaks)
8:50am – Make my third trade of the day
9:09am – Read the WSJ online while pretending to do work
9:26am – The basis traders discuss the relative physical strength of their clerks. Within minutes, they decide to hold a push-up contest later that afternoon. The traders decide to up the ante by having a clerk do push-ups with another clerk sitting on his shoulders
9:31am – Trading in the push-up contract is fast and furious:
“I’m 36 bid!”
“Sold!”
“At 45!”
“Are you crazy? 40 bid!”
“At 42!”
“Buy ‘em!”
9:57am – Bathroom break #2
10:21am – A broker calls to tell me that a straddle just traded for small size in the pit. He then tells me about the new nicknames he’s come up with for several of the pit traders. My personal favorite? Cookie
10:59am – The catering company sets up lunch in the kitchen
11:00am – Employees descend upon the kitchen, grabbing food and drinks, and immediately return to their desks to eat and continue trading. (And you thought that traders couldn’t multi-task!)
11:31am – Make my fourth trade of the day
11:33am – Work my futures and get an excellent fill
12:02pm – Bathroom break #3
12:28pm – I blare “Sexyback” over the headset, ignoring my co-worker’s protests. He is my (and Justin Timberlake’s) captive audience
12:44pm – Read the New York Times online while pretending to do work
1:14pm – Make my fifth trade of the day
1:26pm – Bathroom break #4
1:59pm – Make my sixth trade of the day
2:00pm – The bell rings and the floor closes for the day
2:03pm – Sign off the headset
2:11pm – Review settlement prices
2:15pm – The pit traders return to the office and trading picks up in the push-up contract
2:27pm – Bathroom break #5
3:01pm – Traders clear out a space for the push-up contest
3:08pm – In preparation for the push-up contest, the clerk takes off his polo shirt
3:09pm – The push-up contract immediately goes bid
3:15pm – Push-up contest commences
3:17pm – The push-up contract settles at 44
3:18pm – Chaos erupts in the office. I witness both the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat; thousands of dollars will change hands
3:29pm – Mock trade with the clerks
4:00pm – Go home