WACC-ing Off

Still wondering what sort of skill set trading develops? I present to you Trading, Overnight Edition.

11:35pm – Arrive at the office
11:39pm – Read over the daily trade report
11:41am – Sign into the trading system
11:44pm – Adjust volatility skews
11:52pm – A co-worker walks into the office, announcing his presence with a loud belch
11:53pm – The same co-worker turns to me and asks “hey, was that me or you?”
12:10am – We turn on Conan
12:29am – Order food from Chicago’s Pizza, the only place still delivering to the Loop after midnight
12:31am – Trader B offers to make a beverage run. (Please note that there were two soda machines in the office, each offering a different selection of sodas. The first soda machine was near our trading desk; the other one was across the office.)
Trader M: You going deep?
Trader B (quietly): Nah, just the tip
Me: You know I can still hear you, right?
1:15am – The food arrives and we dine like kings, assuming that kings eat massive quantities of chicken caesar wraps and Kettle potato chips
1:27am – Trader B returns from the bathroom looking concerned. “There’s a bottle of lotion in one of the stalls in the men’s room” he announces
2:19am – We click through my company’s recently updated website and discover something delightful: a photo in which one of our pit traders appears to be arbing hamburger. (His right hand was curled into a C, with just enough space between the thumb and fingers to fit a tasty burger.)
3:07am – On the screen some dude keeps posting and then pulling an offer. Were futures to go bid, this would be a juicy offer
3:08am – I start working futures against the offer
3:31am – Trader M is getting visibly irritated at the cat and mouse game on the screen
3:33am – The juicy offer is posted for the eleventy-seventh time
3:34am – Trader M stares at the screen, mutters “fuck this guy”, and lifts the offer
3:35am – We continue to work futures
4:37am – We finally get filled on our futures
5:14am – Send out the overnight report to the day traders
6:20am – The day traders begin to straggle into the office
6:57am – Wait for a lull in trading activity and then quickly log out of the trading system
6:59am – The pit traders exit the office en mass and head over to the Board of Trade
7:05am – My boss arrives
7:12am – One of the pit traders limps into the office
Trader L: What are you doing here? Aren’t you on the floor today?
Trader J: Actually, I’m going to be trading on the screen for the next few days. I got hit by a trolley yesterday and I’m still really sore.
Trader L: You got hit by a trolley?!
Trader J: Yeah, I got hit by a trolley walking back to the office from the Board of Trade yesterday afternoon.
Trader L: Let me get this straight. As a pedestrian, you managed to get hit by a vehicle that carts around tourists by day and serves as a party bus by night?
Trader J: Yeah.
Trader L: Priceless.
7:16am – I receive an email from Trader L. The subject is “Karma” and the body of the email is blank
7:20am – The opening bell rings
7:25am – My boss props up his right foot up on the desk and sighs
Boss: I think I have gout foot.
Me: Excuse me?
Boss: My foot really hurts. I think it’s gout.
Me: In your foot? I’m no doctor, but I really don’t think that’s possible.
Boss: But what else could it be?
Me: Um, just about anything. Are you sure that you didn’t just twist your ankle? Have you seen a doctor?
Boss: No, but you know what? I could call my mom – she’s a nurse.
7:27am – My boss calls his mother and shares his diagnosis. Her response? “You’re an idiot.”
7:50am – I head home for the day