B-school Celebrity Sighting

I was enjoying an usually beautiful spring day in NYC after wrapping up an interview. I decided to reward myself for a job well done by grabbing a coffee and relaxing on one of the benches outside the building. I sat down and contemplated life’s big questions. For instance, what in the world was I going to wear later that night? I started to mentally sort through the contents of my suitcase and I had narrowed the selection down to two dresses when it happened. A very familiar looking man was walking across the courtyard, and with a quick thrill, I realized who it was: the CEO of the company! I recognized him from the annual report.

Did I go up to him, introduce myself, and get a job offer on the spot? Of course not. I mean, what would I say? Besides, he was walking really quickly – there was no way that I was going to catch him hampered as I was by my heels.

An event of this magnitude demanded to be shared immediately so I grabbed my phone and called my mom. “You’ll never believe what just happened!” I exuded as I relayed the story of my celebrity sighting. As it turned out, she did believe it.

Key takeaway: Expect the unexpected. Wait no, that was the motto of my senior class in high school. Wear shoes that you can hustle in.

Top 6.5 Reasons Why Being Unemployed Sucks

#6 No outlet for my competitive streak
My motivation to excel is still present even if it can’t be applied in a professional environment. I have been venting my aggression in hilariously inappropriate outlets. For instance, I recently caught myself looking around the room in yoga class and thinking “Ha, my crescent lunge is the deepest! Suck on that people!” I need to freaking relax.

#5 Realizing that there is no parachute
I already went back to school so I can’t bide my time in academia waiting for an economic recovery unless I pursue a PhD. But now that I think about it, maybe that isn’t such a bad idea after all. I should just Ponzi scheme my student loans and settle in for the long haul.

#4 No set schedule
I am a creature of habit and since employment isn’t lending structure to my days, I am forced to create my own. I attend classes at the gym Monday through Friday as a way to arrange my days in an orderly manner. Having a gym schedule also forces me to change out of my PJs; left to my own devices, I would simply email and conference call away in a T-shirt and sweatpants all day every day.

#3 Being supported by my parents
Moving back in with your parents at the tender age of 29? Now that’s a blow to the ego. For crying out loud, even in high school I had a part-time job.

#2 Awkward small talk
When you first meet someone in the US, you ask two questions:
1) What is your name?
2) What do you do?
Let me tell you, unemployed folks hate fielding the second one. Do you confess your unemployed status and make a dry comment implying that unemployment is actually quite entertaining? Do you coyly respond with a question of your own – what do YOU think I do? There is no good answer to this ticking time bomb of a question.

#1.5 Visa issues
Recruiting is stressful enough as it is, but it’s even worse when you have the additional pressure of finding a job before your visa runs out. As an American citizen looking for a job in the US, I don’t have to deal with this issue; I have the luxury of time. Not all of my classmates can say the same, and I can only imagine the heightened level of anxiety that immigration issues must induce.

#1 Feeling powerless to change the situation
I did everything right: I went to good schools, enjoyed professional success, and yet now I’ve completely stalled out. An MBA was supposed to help my career, not end it.

NYC Pulls a Fast One on Me (AGAIN)

Here’s a fun little recruiting story from the archives of 2009...

I was on a conference call with an alum who worked at a CPG company in NYC* (nope, not Colgate). We were having a good conversation and he mentioned that he would be happy to set up a meeting if I was ever in the city. Up until that moment, I had no immediate plans to visit NYC but – how funny is this – all of a sudden I found myself saying “Well fancy that! I was actually planning to visit NYC next week.” And just like that, I had set up an informal interview for myself. Well done me.

Flash forward to that next week. I was suited up and ready to discuss my burning passion for marketing. I threw a map of NYC into my purse and headed out the door. I took the subway without incident and got off at a stop near the office. I walked down the street… and then paused in confusion several blocks later. The building I was looking for apparently did not exist. The building immediately in front of me was #20 and the next building over was #24. Where in the world was #22?

I did another lap around the block and confirmed my suspicion that building #22 indeed did not exist. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. Was this part of the interview process? Sure you can interview with us but you have to find us first - only MacGyvers need apply.

Thinking quickly, I called up one of my friends from business school. Bless her sweet little heart, she picked up on the second ring. “Hey, how did your interview go?” she asked brightly. “Um, about that… the address that the recruiter gave me is a figment of his imagination. I do know that the office supposed to be in the [specific building] though. Any idea where that is?” Glory be, she did know! As a matter of fact, she had interned in that building over the summer. Way to call the right person.

Armed with accurate information (the address was #122 – the company had dropped the handle), I made it to my interview on time. It went well but (like every other company) they were on a temporary hiring freeze. Sigh, story of my life.

Key takeaway: Don’t trust the address that a company gives you. Locate it on Google Maps ahead of time.

*For some reason, all of my recruiting stories have been about interviews in the NYC area but I swear, I have actually interviewed elsewhere. Stay tuned for those installments…

Ode to a Dry Cleaner

Over the past year, I have spent a small fortune on dry cleaning. See that’s the thing about interviewing: you have to wear a suit. Even as a frequent customer, I remain baffled by the entire dry cleaning process; I understand neither the pricing structure nor garment turnaround times. One week I will drop off a bundle of clothing that consists of a suit and a couple of dresses, and the bill will be $28. A few weeks later, I will leave a similar (but not identical) bundle and my total will be $42. Huh? Despite my frustration, I accepted the black box nature of dry cleaning as a necessary evil. That was before I discovered CD One Price Cleaners.

This company is not only saving me from dry cleaning hell, but upon further inspection, CD One Price Cleaners has a really effective business model. What, you want me to tell you more? Happy to oblige…

Marketing:
Simplicity is the key marketing message. Signage throughout the store informs customers that it costs $2.49 to dry clean a single garment. The pricing structure is uniform; it is not complicated by factors such as type of garment, material, or whether the item is an article of men’s or women’s clothing. CD One Price Cleaners successfully eliminates a major point of consumer pain: confusion surrounding the price of dry cleaning. No more unpleasant surprises when it comes time to pay the bill.

Finance:
CD One Price Cleaners requires payment up front and accepts only cash and checks. You could make the argument that they may be losing business by not accepting credit or debit cards, but it is also true that they are minimizing their exposure as a merchant to consumer fraud. More importantly, by requiring customers to pay at drop-off rather than at pick-up, they are fully realizing the time value of money.

Operations:
CD One Price Cleaners dry cleans and launders all garments on site, thereby decreasing costs and turnaround times. Most dry cleaners are small businesses that outsource the actual cleaning to another vendor; as a result, they must pay the vendor to clean the clothing and wait for the garments to be delivered, cleaned, and returned. CD One Price Cleaners literally takes out the middleman. The obvious implication is that start-up costs will be higher for CD One Price Cleaners since they have to build a plant on site; however, over time they should be able to capture market share from the competition by charging lower prices and providing superior service.

CD One Price Cleaners even gets the small operational details right. On my first visit, I filled out the new customer form and returned it to the clerk who then had to process it. Instead of just letting me stand around, the clerk pointed out the coffee bar and encouraged me to grab a cup of joe. The clerk had already processed my information and sorted my items by the time that I finished pouring myself a cup of coffee and adding an unhealthy amount of cream and Splenda. Way to keep me busy and transform my wait time into a positive experience.

CD One Price Cleaners, I would be long you if only you were public.

FML: Phone Interview Edition

I did mad interview prep for a phone interview last week. I read the careers section of the company’s website. I read the relevant portions of the most recent annual report. I caught up on macro-level industry developments. I had a 30 minute call with a classmate at the company. I typed up several pages of notes explicitly detailing why I was interested in working for that company in that particular role. Did I do this because it was fun? No, I did it because mama needs a job.

Things I would rather do include:
1) Read only the war sections of War and Peace
2) Joy ride public transportation
3) Build revenue management models

But I took one for the team, the team of course being me.

Finally 2:00PM rolled around. Showtime muppets! I wait for the hiring manager to call me as scheduled.

2:07PM – Still waiting. Maybe he’s on another call that ran late?

2:15PM – Still silence on my end. See, this is why I prefer to do the calling.

2:22PM – Good Lord, this is worse than waiting for a guy to call. The same truism appears to hold: my watched phone does not ring. Glad to see that my time is appreciated and valued.

2:23PM – Ok, time to take matters into my own hands. I call the recruiter to check in. She apologizes and tracks down the hiring manager to see what happened. She calls me back a few minutes later to let me know that the hiring manager will be calling me in a couple of minutes.

2:25PM – The phone rings at last! I pick up and the hiring manager informs me that he was in a meeting that ran late and oh yeah, he has a call at 2:30PM. So our call is going to be briefer than a pair of Calvin Kleins.

2:27PM – This interview is already an unmitigated disaster. The hiring manager is not digging my background and he is wondering aloud why I don’t already have a job. Dude, you and me both buddy.

2:31PM – I ask what I think is an insightful question regarding the increasingly important role of partnerships within the industry. The hiring manager is not impressed. In fact, I think I actually hear him smack his forehead. His enlightening response? “Yeah we have some partnerships.” Thanks for the clarification.

2:33PM – The hiring manager announces that he has to run and hangs up.

FML. I can’t believe I just did 3 hours worth of interview prep for a 10 minute call.

Key takeaway: Some hiring managers are just douchebags.

How Is This Bozo Employed?

“How is this bozo employed” has recently become my new favorite game. Here’s how it works: you witness an act of stupidity performed by someone who is employed and then you wave your hands dramatically and exclaim “HOW IS THIS BOZO EMPLOYED?!” Let me emphasize that said idiocy must be carried out by someone who is gainfully employed; in fact, this is a key point because otherwise the game becomes “who is this bozo?” which is not nearly as entertaining.

I like this game because you can play it anywhere.

Example 1: You can play in the car!

Every time that I listen to FM radio in Chicago, I find myself asking “how is this bozo employed?” I don’t know if Chicago DJs are a special breed of moron or it's just a general occupational hazard, but it drives me bananas that not only are these people employed, but they are paid to publicly share their dim-witted thoughts. Recent morning show topics include Sticky Situations Involving a Mystery Toothbrush and Crank Calling Hypnotists – and those are some of the more cerebral examples. Really? Here’s an idea: why don’t you pay me to mouth off instead?

Example 2: You can play in the bar!

I am quick to make judgments when I make the acquaintance of a young professional in a bar. With cocktails facilitating the conversation, it usually isn’t too long before I am wondering “how is this bozo employed?” The discussion will almost always end on the same note: me informing my new banking executive BFF that I would probably be way better at his job than he is. (Note to the single ladies: this is NOT an effective way to pick up men.)

Example 3: You can play while eavesdropping!

Anyone who lives in a city can relate to this example. You’re on the train and the woman sitting next to you is yapping away into her cell phone. Her side of the conversation goes something like this:

“So today was like totally crazy at work. Ryan was flirting with me non-stop but I was all like leave me alone because I have work to do. [Pause] No, that’s Tim. I’d let him flirt with me on the clock… in fact, I’d let him do a lot of things to me on the clock. Definitely not Ryan though. He’s just not my type. Anywaaaaay then I had to take some clients out to lunch and it was sooooo boring. I wanted to go to that new place that just opened but my boss insisted that I take the group to this Japanese restaurant right by the office and I got stuck eating a bunch of mediocre spicy tuna rolls. At least I got to expense it. OMGgottarunthisismystop! Byeeeeeeee!”

Say it with me… “How is this bozo employed?”

Enough About You, More About Me

You’d think that I would be a natural at interviewing. I mean, it’s the perfect set-up for an only child: just talk about yourself for 30-60 minutes straight! Cake. Unfortunately, recruiters and I tend to take divergent views on what constitutes an interesting topic of conversation. I like talking about Twilight and Mexican food; recruiters enjoy discussing my academic background and my professional work experience. BORING. If I had my way, interviews would be a lot more entertaining…

Q: Tell me about yourself.
A: I’m an Aquarius and I think that my mom is the coolest. My choices in footwear often render walking a near impossible task. My mastery of the French language both begins and ends with the sentence “Je voudrais un crepe avec nutella s’il vous plait” (I would like a crepe with Nutella please) – incidentally, this is a supremely useful phrase to know. Don Draper is my ideal husband (minus the rampant cheating). I can run train on bacon. I am a magnet for parking tickets. I have a gargoyle fixation that began in college. And oh yeah, I have mad marketing skillz.

Q: Describe your weaknesses. How do you compensate for them?
A: I’m extremely narcissistic but why would I want to compensate for that? A healthy dose of self-confidence never hurt anyone. I’m also overly competitive but I manage my competitive streak by only participating in contests where I am virtually guaranteed victory.

Q: Describe your leadership style.
A: I tend to employ the directive style of leadership. What this means is that I like to tell other people what to do.

Q: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
A: I play the lottery every week, using a proprietary algorithm to select the numbers. In about three years, I’m finally going to hit it big at which time I will take out a full page ad in the Wall Street Journal proclaiming “In Your Face MIT Blackjack Team”. I plan to use my winnings to purchase a farm just outside of Madrid where I will begin building my goat cheese empire. In my spare time, I will draft a proposal for a radio show named “Hit It or Quit It." I will co-host with one of my friends and the show will be broadcast on NPR.

Q: Are you comfortable with ambiguity?
A: Sure.

Q: How do you evaluate success?
A: In U.S. dollars.

Q: What approach do you take in getting people to accept your ideas?
A: Bribery is a pretty effective way to get people to do what you want. And if the ol’ carrot doesn’t work, go with the blackmail stick.

Q: Tell me about a time when you took the initiative on something.
A: I couldn’t figure out how to reposition our brand so I suggested that we call McKinsey. It was expensive but they made a really awesome deck for us.

Q: Tell me about a time when you were working on a team and there was a conflict.
A: Conflict only exists if you acknowledge it so I just ignore the problem. The situation will eventually work itself out and in the meantime I don’t have to deal with all that stress. Win-win!